Ladies and Gentleman,

Noted thinker Dwayne Wayne once posited the idea that it is a different world we're living in.
Indeed, these are uncertain, apocalyptic times.

With respect to the recommendations of health organizations worldwide, we here at the Unofficial Eric Roberts Fan Club will
continue to serve only ourselves in whatever way possible. We will utilize social distancing practices only because we are
asocial misanthropes and don't like you. We will utilize suggested quarantine procedures in all situations except for those
where we need to go buy something, or if we're bored, or even just to fuck with you. We will hoard basic necessities, not out
of fear of a shortage, but rather in an effort to cause such shortages. We're content to watch the world burn, and we'll throw
roll upon roll of toilet paper onto the fire. We also reserve the right to repeatedly run over any individuals wearing masks, as
we rightly presume that they are ninjas sent to assassinate us.

Current CDC recommendations for infected individuals is to quarantine privately, put your head between your legs and kiss your ass
goodbye. Or don't. Nobody cares about you anyway. If you or a loved one are infected, we urge you to contact your local funeral home
as quickly as possible. We can help you to make a decision.

Should humanity survive, after overcoming the disappointment of that, please remember to thoroughly cook whatever wildlife or vermin
you choose to eat. In the meantime, let's all continue to be a bunch of pretensious assholes and delude ourselves into believing that anyone
gives a damn about what we're doing while we wait to die.

Warmest Regards,